Sunday, September 17, 2017 - California
Drop the needle,
Today was as productive as it was going to get. I got in the shower and then got back into bed and cried. It sucks because I can't call my family and talk with them about it. I am the strong force in the family and when I call, everything has to be ok. I can't show how hurt I am or how much pain I feel. They don't ask me to be this beacon of hope but they have always relied on me. I keep things moving forward. I don't struggle or have problems, I push through with a smile and make it happen. My head always hurts, I'm constantly losing and gaining weight, and I can't seem to ground myself. I'm tired and my journey hasn't even begun. One day at a time seems to be too long. Here's to hour by hour. I just want some peace and a chance to breathe. I miss him so much.