I'm Still Here

Thursday, November 20th, 2025 - Atlanta, GA

Drop the needle - FutureSex/LoveSounds

So I am in a place of general stillness. Not moving forward and not moving backwards, not good nor is it bad, just still. I am finding out that being someone's mom will create these moments where you can't quite put a name to the feeling or space in time. You are in such awe of the tiny human you are responsible for and in the same breathe you are terrified of your decisions. Its so frustrating because sometimes, you will watch the hallmark channel and think that you can see your own kids' future like its a movie. It dont work like that. I try to imagine what she will be like, but all I can see is how beautiful she is now.

Now I also wonder why this is my thought process listening to Justin Timerlakes greatest album from the 2000s, but I realize its the perfect thought process. At this time, this album flowed with such a wonderful and seemless blend and I wonder if that is what I am supposed to see for my girl. A seemless transition through life. It seems like I blinked and she went from 6 pounds and endless breastfeeding to walking and telling the world her favorite color is yellow. Just how Justin started with FutureSex/LoveSound and moved through to LoveStoned with such ease. Hell if it wasn't easy, he made it sound like it was. The same way some moms make this parenting shit look easy when behind the scenes, her mind is a shipwrecked as the diapers shes changing.

I don't claim to know what any of this shit means but I can say with absolute certainty that I am in love with the journey. I'm just a junkie for her love.