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Thursday, April 22, 2021 - Kennesaw, GA

Drop the needle,

I am stuck in this rollercoaster and there is no chance in hell of getting off. I want so much for myself but somehow feel inadequate in my own reflection. What has it all come to at this point? How can you be so ready for something that doesn't seem to love you back? You sit in the seat and expect the twists and turns to send your heart racing because it means you're alive but somewhere in the back of your mind, you know, this temporary high comes with a price that you're not ready to pay. But you hold out hope because if you don't, you will undoubtedly end up alone and left with the pain of knowing that you choose this and it's your fault. The crisp stab in your gut as you're dropped into what you see ahead of you but are still not prepared for. And just when you think you have a handle on your emotions, you're thrusted into darkness because you underestimated the strength of your anxiety. Convincing yourself that its fine, it'll get better, is the ultimate vomit that you spit out to yourself in order to justify your fuck up. You gave into the hype and suave and the smooth way the curves made you feel alive, and now you can't get off. You're in the thick of it now. Seeing an end to this is no longer the goal. The goal now is to survive. Will you allow your own strength and peace out maneuver this shitty circumstance that you have unknowingly but actively choose to be strapped into.

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