Monday, February 26, 2018 - California
Drop the needle,
I am not myself it seems. I am tired, not hungry, not drive, exposed, scared and thirsty. Scared of my own mind and what it is capable of. Thirsty for things I am not sure of. Always cold. I can't shake the feeling of my own unraveling. I was once a whole and beautiful guilt, capable of providing comfort and warmth, but it seems the yarn that keeps me is undone. I see things that I want most and try to reach them, but every time I try to get there, there seems to be a noose around my neck. It's keeping me from speaking out against restraint and chocking me until the light I once saw so bright become so dim the heavens couldn't or wouldn't dare reach it.
I know that I am loved and I love others, but to carry on each day with wants and desires but no purpose is the worst prison I could be in. I am imprisoned by a mind that is so amazing yet dangerous, my heart fears to pump so as not to be heard. I wish to cry all the time but do not wish this sprout of depression that bit of slight satisfaction. I am believed to be a strong women with an even stronger mind. The problem isn't the strength of my mind, it is the locked doors within within my mind that need thicker concrete and new bricks to be laid in front of them. Everything goes in, nothing comes out. I have been exposed and must proceed with caution.