Sunday, June 3, 2018 - Sacramento
Drop the needle,
I don't know where my head is at. Ever since we had sex, I've been letting my emotions run wild and I don't like that feeling. Like I don't have any control over them. I'm getting emotional when I shouldn't especially now.
He is going out in the field which means I'm the "army wife" so to speak. I check in when he can and try to be there whenever he needs me. I try to make sure he has everything he needs, but I'm not sure exactly how he's feeling. Of course everything is "fine" but I'm not sure I trust it.
At this point, I'm not even sure that he feels safe with me or that he can trust me. I feel this big wall up sometimes. At times, his eyes are warm and loving and sometimes cold and unwanting. I feel like I was supposed to stay objective and not get so attached especially now that we have had sex. All I know is, I don't want push him if he's not ready.