Friday, August 14, 2020 - Sacramento, CA
Drop the needle,
I have come to the decision to move back home. It's time for me to stop running from my past and begin to unravel my mind and heart. The longer I stay away, the bigger the maze seems to get.
I've started to have those conversations with my aunt and it seems like there is so much that I don't know about my own parents. I am tired of being so far into the unknown that I don't even get a clear picture of my own reflection in the mirror.
"S" is another story. He doesn't quite understand my decision to leave the relationship behind, but for the sake of my happiness, I have to do this on my own. Driving across country with the dog is going to be an adventure in itself.
Cheli is going to drive with me but this whole decision makes me nervous and anxious. Finding out what's behind all of my walls is unnerving. I don't even know why half of them are there in the first place, but I can't keep holding on and crying. I'm slowly losing my will to continue down the rabbit hole but for the sake of my future, I have to keep going.