Wednesday, September 9, 2020 - Atlanta, GA
Drop the needle,
I am so lost. It's hard to even write the words now. I can't seem to find the peace that I once had. Maybe I just dreamt of the peace that I wished was possible. Everything is so heavy. Breathing feels like the hardest of tasks.
When sleep finally reaches me, it drowns me in seconds only to let me breathe at the last second. Bringing me to the edge of my worst ideal of death, only to see me breathe as if it were the first one I ever took. It's the most unhealthy long term relationship I've ever been in. Life keeps pushing me to the edge of my own undoing and right when I have accepted the fate of my choices, it shows me love.
I've submitted my body to love as a peace offering. A white flag of surrender but love has told me time and again, that my body is not the only gift it intends to behold. Love is waiting for me to claim the thrown and lead my heart and the hearts of the lost souls that cry at night under the moon. Waiting for me to stand ready and with a strength that scares me. Waiting for me to claim my worthiness and stand in my power, ready to submit to my own dominance. Why me, I wonder.